so i have been pondering the men and women situation and i have realized... it is true we are all different... the thing is
there are some girls who think more like a guy would, and some guys who think more like a girl would
its all very stereotypical, like the rest of the world, but it's true
there are similiar thinkin patterns... men think like a lot do
just like many girls think like others do
and u can debate the whole gay or not thing
but i think people who say they are gay are just misunderstood
i duno maybe dudes really like the penis a lot
i duno
anyway
people just need to stop fighting
and start listening to waht people have to say
its hard to put your emotions out there because u may get rejected and nothing may get accomplished because shit takes time
but its liike
people GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELVES
ya know
it's like start being nice and friendly
quit fucking doin drugs all the time
[i still have a bad cigarette habit]
and its like
come awn motha fuckass
haha
life has been pretty good lately
i miss tyler hes in buffalo being a dick and not coming home :-(
stpeh came over tonight and dyed my mommas hair
i love herrr
her and ben are like
so wishy washy its not really annoying
its sad
because stephs a great girl
and she could really make a dude happy
but theres always this and that to everything riiiight?
i have been working soooooo much
but thank goddddddd
my friend is taking my shift thursday
thanks tori i love you <333
sooo yeah im getting a new phone thursdayy
and i duno
i loveeee it
last week of college classes....sweet!!!
i cant wait for summer
i have been eating pretty good lately
but today i was just like eating my ass off
ahhhh well im gonna walk tomorrow and go bowling and shittttt
so thats cooolll..
well ireally gotta do this essay PEACE

p.s. people are crazy
americans should be thankful for the freedom they have even though it is really weird and a buncha bullshit
people in laos are killlled for having firearms and heroin
around here u can get bailed out
or serve a couple years
then become a permanent heroin addict and go back to jail
or pretty much do wahtever u want :-D

ps because i neeed to let this off my chest
tyler im not mad at you
ur a cool dude
i just never got the chance to really meet u
nor do i think  u have had teh chance to meet yourself...in a comfortable , sober place
u should try it
ud be surprised...and i will talk to u soon
because lord knows i hate grudges

i have been walking a lot lately.... and i truly believe its helping me
not just physically but mentally.
i think the reason i was so angry is because i just sat around and did nothing
it was just easier that way
but i dont want things to come easy
i want to make decisions for my self that i am confident about
i dont wanna be like oh fuck i wish i didnt say that
or ewww did i really do that with him i was wasted
anymore...
and i believe that if i stay true to myself
being true to my friends will be so easy
so just like it will happen
and enjoyable
its hard to sit there and listen to someone talk when ur not interested
or ur like ugh im in a bad mood
but i want to be interested in anything someone says
no matter what it is
and i don't want to ever be in a bad mood
due to lack of sleep, parents pissed me off, etc.
its so weird how like u see changes in urself
some people are afraid of that
but im really not
i mean i get that way
but it goes away
it makes me tear up
and i duno
why
i think its because im only used to crying when im sad or angry
and now these tears are unknown
but their tears of happiness
i dont ever wanna be sad or cry because somebody puts me down
and ya kno what
im honestly sick of fucking people who enjoy being dicks or bitches
honestly
its not my thing
i duno
im not a hippie chick or a free loving person not afraid to dance naked at a party
im a human
and humans are so afraid to be kind twenty fooouurr and be nice
and i dont get it
change doesnt happen over night
but it could......
but
the thing is
i want to better myself for me and you
and i will do it.
and im not gonna let anybody stand in my way
im gonna do what i gotta do to get by
but right now
i feel really good.
yeah i miss tyler
yeah everything he does hurts me
but ya know whaat
thats the last thing im gonna do
let another person control my mind and my actions
sometimes i don't even think he realizes it
guys are as hungry for love as woman
were all the same people
they just dunno how to let their gaurd down for various reasons
some dont think they want to... but they do
its weird because i would rant before
possibly saying these thigns
hahahah
but it would be outta anger
and dsigust with human beings but the truth is we all make mistakes
forgiveness is the hardest
i swear it
thats probabaly why so many people look to god
cuz its all about forgiveness n stuff
sometimes i wonder
well a lot
where am i going to be in like 34893 years
but i dont wanna know right now
i just wanna be happy
and once i find my true happiness self again i swear to god nothing will break me down
if i say or do something everyday to make atleast one person remember and it puts a smile on their face im all set
if theres nobody well im gonna have to take one for the team and i can smile he he
i cant wait to like walk more haha i just love feeling better about myself
im sitting around thinking like ohh im never gonna find another man
but honestly i shouldnt be worried
because i will find my best friend slash husband someday and it is going to be the most amazing feeling in the world
even if its my cat and my friends ha ha ha
i should just become a lonely stoner like that song
JAYKAY SO BORING
im getting tired
i just had to rant i think i have had a lot of build up the past couple of days
its weird to like live the same and be repetitive
and then like
its changes
its basically just odd
but i know what i gotta do
TA DO MEHHH
imma do me you ah do you
heheheheheh
thank god for hands !!!!! lololololololololololol


katie ur da bomb my sistah
we fucking walka holics
hahaahah


OMG ONE FUCKING WEEK
then im free
to lay in the sun
sweat my fucking ass off gettin in shape
feelin healthy
fuckin
workin at weggies in the air conditioned place
uhm...
going to darien lake
mybe a beach
FUKCIN AAAA
if i won teh lottery right now...
right this fucking second....
i would of course wait for my money
NAD GO TO FUCKIN DISNEY WORLD
and im hoping i do motha fucka
haha well goodnight.

so me and katie got 3/5 truck toots today! ha haha some people just dont like to toot i guess....


oh and when i went to get into my car.. there was a bee!!!!! ahh!!!!!!!!  i hate bees!!!!!

i been reppin my cittyyyyyy


oh em gee im gonna do push ups soon!
and im getting dumbbells? soon....
and getting my phone hopefully soon!
im changing my number..its too easy
that could make a bad name for myself... lolll
well i am deciding to reinvent myself
i feel like thers been tyler..theres been my favorite..booze..and my second favortie...weed
so al phases ya know they made me angry
and i am sick of being angry :)
reading back on all my ljs im like damn i was so snobby and rude and judgemental and mean and like just down right angry with my life and everyone in it and just like everything...it was funny but thas not me

so yeah im having a good day
yesterday was kinda rough
but its all g0000d

been going to all my classes and work yayy for me...


ok i wanna work out bye  :p

i saw alex today... he is going into the army... that is so crazyyy!!!! he will be a bad ass fighter

it's so crazy to think where everyone's gonna be in ___ years...i can't even imagine....ill probably be a teacher or something along those lines....

on my walk home i realized how fun it would be to get raped... ok not raped just like my boyfriend pushes me into the grass on a hot steamy summer night... rips my clothes off and holds me down and tells me i should not walk the streets alone at night or this will happen again and again he he he

def hit up weggies 4 times today...holy fuckkkkkkkkkk i really do live there.

i met this dude christian tonight who is alicias friend he is from queens hes mad cool... we were talking about rich people and how expensive life is becoming these days....

OH AND I PLAYED MARIO for like a second...it was the best time ive had since i played mario last he he he







workinn a shit ton next week...dont care..im gonna get my phone back....and get a new one and change my plan so its not so damn expensive... like unlimited texting and the lowest amount of minutes....i can do it i wont go over i promise daddy

check my mins everyday online
and not talk for a long time...ever

i have been walkin a lot...so refreshing...so peaceful...so tiring...and so lovingggg! i love summer....i will never live in corning for the rest of my life...i need sunny skies 24 7  for real.



twitter is cool i duno if i could handle getting mad texts all the time i would probably go nuts...so ill just stick to the online ordeal. he he he.....but on the real son....college done in two weeks...what a refreshing thought....what a fucking awesome thought....gonna work my ass off this summer and gamble he he he...no but i wanna go to tioga downs a couple times...its just fun... :-)

lottery tickets just arent doin it for me these days he he he

i love the chick at the gas station we talked today
i sit here and bitch about my life sometimes and how i hate school and this and that... and its like.. some people cant even go to school to learn and kick back ya know
they have other priorities...i dont...i should be thankful for school
its not that bad
its kinda entertaining if u let it be...


well college anyway
high school sucks ballz

speaking of that i have to get up in 6 and a half hours sssssweet


gnight.